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  A Promise

  Is a Promise

  An Almost Unbelievable Story

  of a Mother’s Unconditional Love

  and What It Can Teach Us

  Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

  with Marcelene Dyer

  HAY HOUSE, INC.

  Carlsbad, California

  London • Sydney • Johannesburg

  Vancouver • Hong Kong • New Delhi

  Copyright © 1996 by Wayne W. Dyer

  Published and distributed in the United states by: Hay House, Inc.: www.hayhouse.com • Published and distributed in Australia by: Hay House Australia Pty. Ltd.: www.hayhouse.com.au • Published and distributed in the United Kingdom by: Hay House UK, Ltd.: www.hayhouse.co.uk • Published and distributed in the Republic of South Africa by: Hay House SA (Pty), Ltd.: [email protected] • Distributed in Canada by: Raincoast: www.raincoast.com • Published in India by: Hay House Publishers India: www.hayhouseindia.co.in

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording, nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or otherwise be copied for public or private use—other than for “fair use” as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews without prior written permission of the publisher.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Dyer, Wayne W.

  A promise is a promise : An almost unbelievable story of a mother’s unconditional love and what it can teach us / Wayne W. Dyer with Marcelene Dyer.

  p. cm.

  ISBN 1-56170-348-6 (hardcover) • 1-56170-872-0 (tradepaper)

  1. O’Bara, Kaye. 2. Caregivers—Florida—Biography. 3. Coma-Patients—Home care. 4. Love. 5. Mothers and daughters.

  I. Dyer, Marcelene. II. Title.

  RB150.C60223 1996

  362.1’9684—dc20

  [B]

  96-9125

  CIP

  ISBN 13: 978-1-56170-872-7

  ISBN 10: 1-56170-872-0

  10 09 08 07 16 15 14 13

  1st Printing, August 1996

  13th Printing, January 2007

  Printed in the United States of America

  This book is dedicated in awe to:

  The Holy Family,

  to:

  One of God’s holy families, the O’Baras

  (Joe, Kaye, Edwarda, Colleen, and Ricky),

  and to:

  A saint with a stethoscope,

  Louis Chaykin, M.D.

  Contents

  Introduction by Wayne W. Dyer

  Introduction by Marcelene Dyer

  Chapter One: Kaye

  Chapter Two: Edwarda

  Chapter Three: The Blessed Mother

  Chapter Four: A Mother’s Point of View

  (by Marcelene Dyer)

  Chapter Five: The Magic and the Miracles

  About the Authors

  Introduction

  by Wayne W. Dyer

  I have read many definitions of love. My favorite by far is quite simple: “… Love is the art of giving. It asks nothing in return.” Using this as my working definition, you are about to read an authentic love story.

  This is not a novel with characters who fall in love in a romantic fashion. This is not a story with a plot that winds its way through literary channels to a clever conclusion. What you hold in your hand is a book about unconditional love. Each page represents a real-life, day-to-day commitment to giving and serving in the highest sense of love that I can imagine.

  I have made no effort to follow any rules of literary presentation. I did not resort to any “filler” material to lengthen the manuscript or to engage the reader in extraneous details of this remarkable story.

  What I have done is to relate, as directly and simply as possible, the story of a level of giving to another human being that is unknown to most of us. It is my impression that when the art of giving becomes absolutely unconditional, as it is with Kaye O’Bara, we will come to know the meaning of this quotation from A Course in Miracles: “If you knew who walks beside you on the way that you have chosen, fear would be impossible.”

  I place the emphasis on the word knew. To know is to have the direct experience and to have banished all doubt. Kaye knows that she is not alone. She knows that her daughter is also participating in the way that she has chosen. This knowing has permitted Kaye to serve unconditionally for over a quarter of a century, and it has made visible the divine intervention of the Holy Family.

  But even more than this is the fact that all of us who read of Kaye’s devotion and unflappable service are enriched immeasurably.

  In the context of love being the art of giving and asking nothing in return, we are all assured that this kind of love is not just for fiction writers or reserved for those who have been deified. This kind of love is here and now. It is taking place among us, while the rest of us go about the business of our daily lives.

  The story of Kaye and Edwarda O’Bara is indeed a love story that transcends our own experiences of love. It reminds us to look within and see where we can give unconditionally.

  I have written this book to fulfill my own commitment to giving unconditionally in my own life. Furthermore, it is my intention to introduce you to these divine people through the p
ages of this book, while simultaneously providing you with some insights on what you can learn from becoming aware of this story. And finally, it is my intention to remove the onus of debt that has choked at the life force of the O’Baras for this past quarter of a century, by having the royalties go directly to Kaye and Edwarda.

  As you read this short book, be aware of the power of your prayers, as well as your compassion in helping out these sacred souls. As you extend this compassion toward the O’Baras, remember to do the same for everyone on our planet as well. This, to me, is the lesson of Edwarda’s long silence—to teach all of us to extend love unconditionally in every corner of our world, and to do it without asking anything for ourselves in return. Perhaps as the world takes on this challenge, Edwarda’s role as a victim soul will become complete. I pray it is so.

  In love and light,

  Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

  Introduction

  by Marcelene Dyer

  Edwarda, I want to thank you for your selflessness. I believe that you have suffered greatly. You are inside a body that is asleep. You have endured this state for over 26 years, and while I have lived my life fully, you, my dear friend, have sacrificed all of what I have experienced in order to be our teacher. Although I send you my deepest love, and I talk to you often throughout my day, nothing I can do can repay you for your gift to me. Shall I tell you of those gifts? I want to very much.

  Love is first. When I entered your room, I felt a great love. Total acceptance of me. You looked deep into my eyes with a penetrating gaze. I felt a connection. An acknowledgment. It was timeless and sacred. Thank you.

  Your mother is second. Thank you for sharing your mother with the world. To me, she is saintly. Your relationship prior to the journey of this coma was established in a foundation of mutual respect, understanding, happiness, and deep, deep love. This permeates the rooms of your home.

  Mother’s Day is always special to me and, personally, I believe our mothers give us our first understanding of what it is to be loved. They are our teachers, surely, but also, our mother’s love is our first or our closest connection to the love of God. My mother has always been there for me. As I mature, I realize this is my feeling of God, too. He is always there for me.

  I believe our deepest need is to find the look of love beaming back at us. As long as we feel this, we are better able to love ourselves and others. Your mother, Kaye, shines only love when she speaks of you or sits beside you and holds your hand. Those moments of communion touch us all. Thank you.

  Third, your sister, Colleen, who looked up to you with great adoration because, in her eyes, you could do no wrong, said to us, “Even though I messed up, my sister never judged me. She never looked disapprovingly at me. I know she loves me.” Colleen gave us a glimpse of her courage and her own faith that you have a divine purpose.

  Edwarda, I thank you most profoundly for your gift to the world, for others like you whose bodies are not working perfectly. You have opened the window for them to receive. Hopefully, after your story has been told, no one will miss the opportunity to serve the spirit of the human being and look past the imperfections of our packaging.

  A most humble thank you, I say to you, Edwarda, my friend. I am forever indebted to you as my most sacred teacher.

  I love you,

  Marcelene Dyer

  Chapter One

  Kaye

  A“ll my life I wanted to get married, have two girls to sew for, be 50, and have gray hair. In 1948, I started on this dream by marrying Joe. I succeeded in it all. God gave me a wonderful husband and then two girls in Edwarda and Colleen. We had a loving, caring life for 22 years. Then my angel, Edwarda, got sick and fell into a coma. We all decided, as a family, that she would come home if she wasn’t fully recovered. We have never wavered in that decision, even after Dad died.

  “God has given me the strength to care for Edwarda by sending angels in many forms—friends, families, strangers who became friends, and many others. God has given me the gift of staying cheerful and being able to help others. He has brought my daughter Colleen back to us to live, and she and the gift God gave her, a son named Ricky, have made the family complete.

  “I’m doing what I think I should do, because all I ever wanted in life was to have two girls. God was very good and granted me my wish. So, if He gave me what I wanted, then I feel I should care for Edwarda until He is ready to either heal her, or take her to heaven.”

  — Kaye O’Bara

  It was the day after Christmas, 1995, when I (Wayne Dyer) read a story in the newspaper that was to have an immense effect on me, not only in the moments that it took to read the story, but for the rest of my life. The story was titled, “Her 25th Christmas in a Coma.” It gave a brief synopsis of a mother who had been totally devoted to her comatose daughter for over a quarter of a century.

  I have written about the need for unconditional love in our relationships, and I feel that my wife Marcelene and I, both as individuals and as parents, have contributed a great deal of unconditional love over the years. But this story of Kaye O’Bara surpassed anything that we had ever personally encountered. In fact, I was so attracted to this story that I read it aloud to Tracy, my oldest daughter, and Marcelene, commenting on what a phenomenally powerful person this woman must be.

  Something in that newspaper account touched my soul in a way that it had never been touched before. Little was I to know that Kaye O’Bara and her daughter, Edwarda, who has been “sleeping” since the third day of January, 1970, were going to become an integral part of our lives.

  Those of you who are familiar with my writing know that I believe that there are no accidents in our universe. Every single meeting and event in our lives is in some way orchestrated by a divine force or universal intelligence that flows through all things. The low points in our lives occur to teach us to generate the energy to propel ourselves to higher levels, and “strangers” to whom we are drawn or attracted have something to teach us, or vice versa. When there is a powerful inner knowing felt within one’s being, it is a kind of intuition that is a nudge from the divine source. Ignoring these inner callings is the same as walking away from the path of higher awareness.

  With the story of Kaye O’Bara, I was touched deeply. In fact, I was so moved that I wrote her a brief letter saying, “You are my hero,” and sent her an autographed copy of a book I wrote some years ago called Real Magic, which explores the idea of being able to create miracles in our everyday lives. On my way to the post office, I kept thinking about the details of this woman’s life. She seemed profoundly spiritual to me—a modern-day Mother Teresa right here in South Florida, only a few miles from where I lived. I mailed the package, still deeply in awe of this remarkable tale of absolute unconditional love in action.

  Try to Imagine Just for a Moment…

  Just for a moment, go back over the past quarter of a century. Twenty-five years! Imagine never once going to a movie or even taking a brief vacation. Imagine never going on a shopping trip for yourself, and never being able to go for a walk that lasts longer than a few minutes. Imagine never being able to leave your home for more than an hour or so for the entire 25 years because you had someone that you were committed to serving, loving, and literally keeping alive.

  Just imagine never having the time to be sick for 25 years, with the exception of a 10-day period in which you were hospitalized for a heart attack, and then having to rush out of your own treatment to get back to your primary mission in life—taking care of someone else, despite your own need for rest and recuperation. Imagine in that time period losing your life partner to a massive heart attack, and then having your only other daughter get lost in a world of drugs and prison for some of those years. Imagine having to borrow, beg, and pray each day for the money to take care of the burgeoning medical expenses without the benefit of any insurance. Imagine those medical expenses being four times more than your meager income from Social Security.

  Imagine that during all of these years, y
our child, who was a normal and creatively alive 16-year-old girl one day, and the next was in a coma, unable to move or communicate, needed to be fed every 2 hours, 24 hours a day (that’s 12 times a day, every day for over a quarter of a century). And, in addition, imagine that she needed to have her blood checked and tested every four hours and be given an insulin injection (that’s six times a day for over a quarter of a century). And, during this entire time period, try to imagine never sleeping for more than 90 minutes at a time, and being willing to sleep in a chair right next to your loved one. Imagine—25 years of your life without having the benefit of sleeping in a bed!

  This is Kaye, yet this only scratches the surface of the depth of spirit in this remarkable woman and her equally remarkable daughter, Edwarda.

  There is much for all of us to learn from this story. It goes way beyond the surface facts of a mother caring for her comatose daughter. When 16-year-old Edwarda slipped into a coma on the third day of

  January, 1970, the last conversation she had with her mother before entering her long sleep went precisely like this:

  “Promise you won’t leave me, will you, Mommy?”

  “Of course not. I would never leave you, darling, I promise. And a promise is a promise!”

  As Kaye related that poignant moment to me, she added almost as an afterthought that she believed that Edwarda had a subconscious inkling that she was going to be leaving the world of waking consciousness for a long while—perhaps that she had even made an “agreement” to do so.

  “You know, it was very strange,” Kaye recollected. “She always called me Mom or Mother, but at that time, she said, ‘You won’t leave me, will you, Mommy?’”

  As I mailed the package off to Kaye, I said a silent prayer for her, and then proceeded to go about the business of my own life. I had rented an apartment on the west coast of Florida for a two-month period during which I would be commuting to my home while writing a new book on manifesting. My attention was now focused on this new project, and I thought about Kaye O’Bara only now and then, remembering her in my prayers and my manifestation meditations.