Change Your Thoughts—Change Your Life Read online

  In attempting to access the mind and intentions of Lao-tzu through meditation and research on the Tao Te Ching, here’s what I believe he would say to us today:

  Stop chasing your dreams.

  Allow them to come to you in perfect order with unquestioned timing. Slow down your frantic pace and practice being hollow like the cave and open to all possibilities like the uncarved wood. Make stillness a regular part of your daily practice. Imagine all that you’d like to experience in life and then let go. Trust the Tao to work in Divine perfection, as it does with everything on the planet. You don’t really need to rush or force anything. Be an observer and receiver rather than the pushy director of your life. It is through this unhurried unfolding that you master your existence in the way of the Tao.

  Get in the flow of life and allow yourself to proceed gently down its stream.

  Give up struggling and start trusting in the wisdom of the Tao. What is yours will come to you when you aren’t trying to push the river. You’ve probably been encouraged to actively direct and go after your desires all of your life . . . now it’s time to trust in the eternal wisdom that flows through you.

  The Way of Life According to Lao Tzu, translated by Witter Bynner in 1944, poetically sums up the 15th verse of the Tao in this way:

  How can a man’s life keep its course

  If he will not let it flow?

  Those who flow as life flows know

  They need no other force:

  They feel no wear, they feel no tear,

  They need no mending, no repair.

  Great advice for living an unhurried life.

  Do the Tao Now

  Set this book down right now. Take ten minutes to sit quietly while contemplating all that you have and all that is flowing into your life on a Divinely orchestrated timetable. Be at peace and give thanks for what is allowing your life to unfold so perfectly. Let go of all other hurried thoughts.

  16th Verse

  Become totally empty.

  Let your heart be at peace.

  Amidst the rush of worldly comings and goings,

  observe how endings become beginnings.

  Things flourish, each by each,

  only to return to the Source . . .

  to what is and what is to be.

  To return to the root is to find peace.

  To find peace is to fulfill one’s destiny.

  To fulfill one’s destiny is to be constant.

  To know the constant is called insight.

  Not knowing this cycle

  leads to eternal disaster.

  Knowing the constant gives perspective.

  This perspective is impartial.

  Impartiality is the highest nobility;

  the highest nobility is Divine.

  Being Divine, you will be at one with the Tao.

  Being at one with the Tao is eternal.

  This way is everlasting,

  not endangered by physical death.

  Living with

  Constancy

  The 16th verse of the Tao Te Ching describes the value of being supremely conscious of the constant cycle of all. Rather than viewing change as a disruptive, unwanted occurrence, you can choose to view the variances in your world as valuable influences in the cycle of a Tao-centered existence.

  When you see change as the only constant there really is, you start to recognize it as an expression of ongoing life that’s a welcome clue to your own purpose and meaning. In this way, you’re returned to the experience of your Source and the peace of an impartial perspective. Begin this process by altering your ego-based thoughts and letting yourself feel the bliss of being at one with the Tao. Then become an acute observer of how your world really works, and allow yourself to be in harmony with the cyclical nature of all living things.

  There’s an immutable cycle of “no life, life, no life” that we’re part of. All things come, and then they go. Life materializes in a variety of forms—it’s here, and then at some point it ends in what we call death. This coming and going might seem to be a temporary condition, but it’s actually the ultimate constant because it never ceases. Embrace this nature of cyclical change and you’ll thrive.

  An ending may feel like a reason to mourn, whether it be the closing of a phase in your life, the completion of a project, the termination of a relationship, or death itself. But Lao-tzu invites you to realize that after things flourish, they “return to the Source . . . to what is and what is to be.” The constancy of the cycles of life is an opportunity to return to your root, where what is and what is to be are located. The ultimate place of peace and enlightenment is in this continuous return to the nameless, placeless site of your origination.

  Lao-tzu tells you that a sense of inner peace comes with returning to the Source, where all cycles begin and end. This is the fulfillment of your own personal destiny; that is, you’re here to know and be the Tao, the constant beyond the comings and goings of life. You’ve been in many bodies already, and you’re in a new one every day. You’ve been in and out of many relationships, yet the eternal you survives despite transitions from beginnings back into endings. You’re now being urged to know yourself as a physical creation and as a piece of the everlasting Tao.

  The Tao that animates all existences, including your own, is totally impartial. It plays no favorites: It brings winter regardless of whether you want it or not. It sends those you love on to other people and then back, irrespective of your desires to have it otherwise. All of life must return to it; there are no exceptions or apologies.

  When you’re unaware of this steadying influence, you attach to one element of one cycle in life, leading to what Lao-tzu calls “eternal disaster.” When one person leaves you, it feels like the end of the world. When a business venture fails, you flunk out of school, or you have a painful illness or injury, you feel depressed. If you get trapped in these emotional endings, you’re not permitting them to also be a natural part of life, leading you to feel disconnected from your Source. You become stuck in the “rush of worldly comings and goings,” unable to remember the constancy where “endings become beginnings.”

  The reality is that beginnings are often disguised as painful endings. So when you know that there’s a constant beyond the present moment’s disappointment, you can sense that “this too shall pass”—it always has and always will. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change!

  This is what Lao-tzu seems to be telling you in this 16th chapter of the Tao Te Ching:

  Take time to be an impartial observer of life, particularly when an ending is causing despair.

  Remind yourself that your Source is at work within this event, and then make a decision to connect to that Source with your thoughts. All endings are part of the cyclical process; you’re merely returning to a life of constancy, which Lao-tzu taught in this passage. You don’t have to learn anything new, change any behavior, or adopt any new strategies—just think about the word return, and take comfort in the ever-constant Tao, which brings peace to despair. The Tao never leaves or disappoints, and it is always impartial. Wherever you are in the emotional cycle, you’re not being judged. Rather, you’re learning to be in all phases, free of judgment and living with constancy.

  Write these words and post them in a conspicuous place in your living environment: This too shall pass.

  This phrase will remind you that change is the only constant in life. Everything you notice is in a cycle of coming and going. Everything! There are no exceptions. Know this and let your thoughts flow in the constancy of change. This is the root, the Source of all cyclical happenings. It is perfect. It is Divine. It is something you can totally rely upon. It brings spring flowers, it brings the aging process, it brings rebirth, it brings new relationships—it is the Tao and it is constant. Return to it and experience your eternal essence here and now, in the temporary container you call your body and all of its dramas. This too shall pass . . . you can count on it!

  Do the
Tao Now

  Dedicate a day to consciously seeking situations to practice impartially observing endings as beginnings, challenging yourself to find a specific number by noon. Begin in the morning by being aware that the end of asleep is the beginning of awake. Break your waking time into sections, noticing without judging the endings that make space for beginnings. Start to consciously live with constancy by opening your mind to the fact that change is the only certain thing. Remember to include all of your feelings in its cycle—impartially observing sad, for instance, permits its natural ending to transform to a beginning. You’re doing the Tao!

  17th Verse

  With the greatest leader above them,

  people barely know one exists.

  Next comes one whom they love and praise.

  Next comes one whom they fear.

  Next comes one whom they despise and defy.

  When a leader trusts no one,

  no one trusts him.

  The great leader speaks little.

  He never speaks carelessly.

  He works without self-interest

  and leaves no trace.

  When all is finished, the people say,

  “We did it ourselves.”

  Living as an

  Enlightened Leader

  To reflect the lesson in this verse of the Tao Te Ching means changing how you see authority—which means viewing great or enlightened leaders as those who don’t actually lead anyone! Through the perspective of the Tao, such individuals create an environment where everyone feels that they have a personal responsibility to, and are a part of, the process. By adopting this model of an enlightened leader, you’ll be more than likely to alter the ways you criticize and admire captains of industry, government, or religion, as well as the way you guide others.

  The advice in this 17th verse is directed toward leaders of all kinds; in fact, you can personalize it by substituting the words parent or teacher for leader. Examine the ways you view your own tactics, and then make the changes that are necessary in order to be someone who makes an enlightening difference in the lives of others. First, you must stay in the background and become an astute observer of what’s taking place; then ask yourself how, without interfering, you can create an environment that will help everyone act responsibly.

  The Tao advises making yourself as invisible as possible if you truly wish to be an effective leader. Thus, perhaps your best strategy would be to actually leave the room and allow everyone else to act without feeling that they need to impress you. Maybe you should offer a slight suggestion and then an immediate departure. A knowing smile or gesture that conveys to the group that you trust in its ability to figure things out might work best. Possibly what’s needed is for you tell a quick story of how others have resolved similar issues. Or you could simply meditate and send positive conflict-resolving energy to all the individuals present.

  Whatever your decision, you’ll be well aware of the need to create an environment where everyone will be able to say, “We fixed it ourselves without the need for any interference from anyone—we really don’t need a supervisor.” This approach, of course, involves suspending your desire to be seen as a strong authority figure.

  Truly inspiring leaders get results by their own example: They encourage others to be responsible and do the right thing, but not by proclaiming and bragging about their unimpeachable management. They create space for others to be inspired and to achieve their own greatness. When the time comes for receiving accolades, they dissolve in the background, wanting everyone else to feel that their accomplishments arose from their own leadership qualities. The supreme Taoist leader always leaves people to choose and pursue their own way of life, their own conception of the good. The view of a self-styled authoritarian is not the way enlightened leaders see themselves; rather, they raise the energy of an environment through a viewpoint that elevates lower inclinations.

  In this verse, the Tao offers three other ways of choosing to be a leader. One option is to make a difference in the lives of others, resolving conflicts through love. By being an instrument of love and making an effort to praise others, this leader stays in harmony with the Tao. Those who are praised are inclined to become self-loving and act in a cooperative rather than competitive fashion. The drawback is that using the approval and affection of a leader for motivation means turning control of one’s life over to that leader. But if you see that the choice is between love or fear, the Tao always sees love as superior.

  The ineffectiveness of fear as a leadership style is obvious: If I can get you to do as I desire by using that weapon, then you’ll only behave in these ways as long as I have the power to threaten you. When I leave, my influence over you departs as well. Studies have measured the effectiveness of teachers who were considered strict disciplinarians. Students in this setting were well behaved when the 17th Verse feared individual was in the room, yet when he or she departed, the classroom turned chaotic.

  The opposite was true of instructors who viewed education as an opportunity to praise and encourage students: Their presence or absence from the room had almost no noticeable impact. This is a great thing to keep in mind if you’re a mother or father. That is, do you want your children to behave only when you’re around, or do you want them to have the self-discipline to conduct themselves wisely whether you’re there or not? I’ve always believed that parents are not for leaning upon, but rather exist to make leaning unnecessary.

  The least effective means for managing others is to use tactics that will encourage them to despise you, for the moment they leave your sight, they’ll defy all that you say and stand for. Dictators almost always find this out the hard way, when the people they’ve abused rise up to threaten them in the same intolerable fashion in which they’ve been treated. Children who despise a parent similarly tend to emulate the hateful tactics to which they were subjected, or they detach themselves completely from that dictatorial adult and spend years attempting to heal the scars from the terrible treatment.

  The enlightened leader trusts those whom he or she is in a position to govern. This view results in trust, as he or she who has faith in the people will be trusted by them in turn. Consequently, they’ll be able to say, “We did it ourselves.” So raise your children to be self-sufficient, to make their own decisions as soon as they’re able, and to feel pride in the decisions they do make. See yourself as an enlightened leader, and show the world a new type of leadership. Children who grow up with such a view will be the next generation of great leaders that Lao-tzu describes.

  Here’s what I believe the esteemed master Lao-tzu is offering you today:

  Instead of believing that you know what’s best for others, trust that they know what’s best for themselves.

  Allow other people to share their thoughts about the path they see for themselves. Let your position be known, but also convey that you trust them to make the right choice. Then step back and peacefully believe that the way you look at this situation will change. Offer praise when those in your charge are making their own decisions, even when their behavior may conflict with yours. Trust yourself to give the best response by not seeing yourself as knowing what’s right. Remember this phrase from the Tao Te Ching: “When a leader trusts no one, no one trusts him.” The surest way to gain the faith of those you govern or supervise is to allow them to make as many decisions as possible.

  Take pride in refusing to take credit for the achievements of others.

  If you look at others’ accomplishments as a reason for you to be rewarded, promoted, or complimented, change your viewpoint. Let praise go to those who are the beneficiaries of your leadership.

  Speak less frequently and suspend your self-interest—instead, allow everyone in your care to speak for themselves. Change how you see their performance from being a credit to your skill to the thrill they exhibit over their accomplishment. You’ll cease wanting credit, and alternatively feel the happiness and pride that they’re experiencing.

  This i
s how Hafiz described it in his 14th-century poetry:

  Even

  After

  All this time

  The sun never says to the earth,

  “You owe

  Me.”

  Look

  What happens

  With a love like that,

  It lights the

  Whole

  Sky.

  Love those you’re entrusted to lead, just as the sun loves our planet. Simply be there to serve, never demanding anything in return.

  Do the Tao Now

  Choose some situations with your children (or anyone you’ve been designated to supervise) to become an active observer. Nod, smile, frown, or gesture without saying a thing, where you previously would have readily interfered. Notice how your active observing impacts those you’ve been assigned to lead.

  18th Verse

  When the greatness of the Tao is present,

  action arises from one’s own heart.

  When the greatness of the Tao is absent,

  action comes from the rules